Strike a Pose.

I asked her to act like a model. I only wish you could have heard her sound effects.

Happy Birthday, Kittens!!

Here is the proud mama. Her name is Cali. She had 3 kittens. One is a light beige and the other 2 are dark calico. It will be fun to have them under our front step. Every time I open the front door, I hear mewing. On the downside, there will be more little beings for me to trip over, like I need that.

I have always been told that if a cat has 3 colors or more it is most often a female. I guess calico males are extrememly rare, I have never seen one. So I guess 2 are girls then. I usually can't tell the sexes otherwise until their testicles descend, or don't. We actually had a cat that we thought was a boy and his name was Tubby. Well, one day I looked at him and noticed he looked rather wide all of a sudden. Sure enough the next day HE had a litter of kittens.

These are just some photos of the kids playing outside yesterday. The snow is melting fast which leaves our yard looking like a mud hole. Gaby was feeling so carefree to finally be out of the house.

I didn't take Ryan long to find the mud. I think we will see lots of photos of him bending down to play in mud, rocks, sand, or anything else dirty. He is drawn to it like bees to honey.

Brooke was obsessed with the tree. Especially when I was trying to get her attention.

It is getting to be impossible to get them to look at the camera anymore. There is too much else to look at, mom is boring.

The B-I-B-L-E

Now that Ashlyn is 3 she was able to start Sunday School. Today was her first day. She was excited because it was a chance for her to get to socialize with other kids her age. I was a little sad because, for me, it means that she is one step closer to starting preschool. She is not my little baby anymore. I think she liked music the best. For the past few weeks I have been telling her what all happens at Sunday school. Every time I told her they sing, and listed a few songs, she always wanted to include Old McDonald.
Some other exciting news we have is that, as I type this, our calico farm cat is having a litter of kittens under our front step. We knew it was coming soon because she was looking like she could pop any second. I bet she will have at least 5 or 6. I will post some photos soon.

And my dreams of summer......

....are all coated in snow. At least Lance got to stay home today. The kids were extra cranky. They are all getting lots of teeth.

Hopefully the storm is all done and it's not too bad that I can make it to work tomorrow. My one day of guaranteed sanity. For those of you that don't know this, I work at the After Hours Clinic most Saturdays. It's a great job and it has perfect hours for me. I get to feel like an employed adult and am usually home by 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

For my family and friends in warmer climates, while you're having your neighborhood cookout, and sipping drinks by the pool, I hope you'll at least think of me and have just a little sympathy.

This time 4 years ago.....

I was childless and very, very depressed. This is going to be a difficult post and if you are not interested, you can come back tomorrow and I'll post something happy.

I'm writing this post because I have been appreciating my kids more lately (especially when they are down for a nap and I can watch them talking to each other from my baby cam monitor). At this moment, no one is crying, or hanging on me. So, I'm choosing to go down this dark path to remind myself how I got here, and that even on the days that I feel like my head could explode, I could never go back to those days before my kids came in to my life.

Also, I know that many people who read my ramblings have also been through this, and some have not been as lucky as I have. I shouldn't say lucky because I know it has nothing to do with luck. God has been good to me even though I have not always been good to him. I will admit, that even though I was raised in a Christian home, during the 8 years that I was desperate for a baby, I denied that God existed for at least 4 of them. I couldn't understand how there could be a God that would create such a strong desire in me and then not fulfill it.

I remember as a child, about 7 or 8 years old, saying my arms were made to hold babies. I think because they seemed to fit just right. I held every baby that I could, dreaming of the day that I would have my own.

I couldn't wait to be pregnant. I got married right out of high school and just assumed that babies would soon follow. I daydreamed of maternity clothes, a big, glorious belly, and seeing my baby's face for the first time.

I still remember the very day that we got the news that we would never be able to conceive on our own. They had done all the tests on me and everything seemed to be fine. So they did a semen analysis, and found out that Lance had plenty of swimmers, they just forgot to take the mandatory course. You know, the one that explains "over the river and through the cervix, to mommy's eggs we must go". Instead, they were kicking back, with an Old Mill, and watching ESPN. We were devastated. If you know Lance's family, you know the history of the male virility. How could this be possible?

This is when I began to question God. I remember crying in the bathroom of a bar with my friend Sara. I think she was pregnant with her second and I had just told her that we weren't able to have kids. I said, how can there be a God that would do this to ME? Then she said something that I have repeated many times since. This isn't her exact words because I don't remember them exactly, because I was in a bathroom, in a bar. God didn't create infertility and who do you think gave people the brains and ability to overcome it?

This is the part where I want to address something that really irritates me. Many people who have been in our shoes and have needed to use scientific intervention to create the ones we hold dearest, know what I'm about to say. We don't appreciate hearing someone say to us, directly or indirectly, that our babies weren't created by nature, or God. Just because my husband's "guys" and my eggs happened to meet in a petri dish and incubate for a few days before they found their way home, does not mean that God didn't design every crevice, on every fingerprint, of each of my babies hands. I say again, where do you think they got the intelligence to design IVF and other such treatments? A distant member of my own family has twins that "were created by God" as said by their grandparent to my mother. This grandparent actually asked my mom if my three were "created by God or if we took medication". It's a good thing that I was not there in person because I tend to speak foreign languages, particularly French, when an ignorant person says such things to me.

After a few years of living without God in my life (not that he wasn't obviously there, but that I didn't want to accept that he was) I realized that this was all happening according to His plan and that it would soon be revealed to me. If only we could see the blueprints He has for us. It would make our lives so much less stressful. If I could have back all the years and tears I wasted. If only I'd seen the turn my life would take. If only I'd bought stock in home pregnancy tests before I spent the better part of my life savings on them, just to see if this was THE month. Even though the doctors told us the odds, it didn't stop me from hoping, feeling every pregnancy symptom in the book, and testing month after month.

On a happier note, when I finally did see the double line for the first time, I'm sure they heard my screams on the moon. Then I became obsessed with seeing those 2 pink parallel lines. Lance would just shake his head as each new shipment came in the mail, of cheapy, dipstick type pregnancy tests. I wanted to make up for every negative test I had.

Now more about the 8 year drought. That is how I refer to the years we struggled with infertility. If you've ever been there, you know how difficult it is. I feel your pain. It still hurts and brings tears to my eyes. First it was "lets try this position, and put a pillow under my butt", "stand on my head, that will help", "maybe we need to drink more, look how many babies were conceived while under the influence". Then came the news of our "problem" and we were put into the hands of modern medicine.

Our first attempt at IVF was a complete disaster. We looked in a phone book yellow pages and found a clinic that was 5 hours away that did IVF. So we packed up and drove several times over the next 2 months. We told everyone because it was going to work, you know. Our insurance didn't cover fertility treatments so we plopped down about 10 grand including travel and lodging. Then it was injections, surgery, and waiting, waiting, waiting. They call it the 2 week wait. The most dreaded time for anyone trying to conceive. Complete, and utter torture. Analyzing every twinge, hiccup, and pain. Hmmm, do my breasts hurt??? I think I could vomit. Did I feel a kick??? Some will do the home pregnancy tests, some think they will jinx them.

Of course this time was not to be. As were the next 3. To make a long story short. We tried another clinic in the opposite direction, which I thought would be "the best" and still no luck. After the first attempt we decided not to tell anyone we were trying again. It was way too hard to let everyone know it didn't work. So we traveled in secret and told many fibs. Luckily our insurance changed and allowed us $20,000 in fertility benefits. We spent every dime and then some. IVF is not cheap.

We had enough left for one more try and since were tired of driving so far we decided to try the closer clinic (which we had been using to do our labwork and ultrasounds during our previous IVF attempts). Why didn't we start there, you may ask? Well, we thought the other would be "the best". They weren't. Our final attempt before our money ran out, and I finally got to see the double pink lines. I tested early, just to see, and there they were. I called Lance at work and told him the news. He didn't believe me. He wouldn't until I had a blood test. But sure enough, we have Ashlyn to prove it.

I'll never forget calling my mom and telling her that I was finally going to have a baby of my own. I couldn't even choke out the words. An added bonus was that my little sister was also pregnant. It had always been a dream of mine to share pregnancy with my sister. So far, up until then, whenever I tried to get pregnant, my sister did and I didn't. I really enjoyed the bond we shared, having our babies together. As you've seen if you follow my blog, our girls were born on the same day.

Since we had a small amount left of our insurance and were afraid they would change their minds, we waited until Ashlyn was almost 1 and tried again, of course not expecting it to work. Once again we chose to put in 3 embryos. With Ashlyn's cycle, we wanted to be aggressive because we had 4 failed attempts. We wanted to play hard ball. They were perfect little embryos and we were pregnant with twins for about 6 weeks and then, sadly, Ashlyn became a singleton. Though I sometimes think about what her twin would have become, I know that God had another plan. If we'd had twins, we probably would have stopped there. I can't imagine my life without Gabriella, Ryan, and Brooke.

The 3 embryos that we put in for our second attempt at this clinic were not so perfect. They were graded a B instead of an A. I cried and cried the day that we put them in my uterus, thinking it was all for nothing. I tried not to get my hopes up, even though I always did. I started testing really early again, just because I like to torture myself. One morning, I woke up at 4 am and couldn't get back to sleep, so why not pee on a stick?? I held it up to the light and....is that a very, very faint second line I see? I went and woke Lance up to see if he could see anything. Through closed eyes he said "I don't see anything, go back to sleep". As you now know, it was very, very positive.

Just so you know, our fertility specialist most commonly puts in only 2 embryos. In fact he recommended this to us. I was so sure that these embryos were not good that I insisted we put in 3, just like we did last time. When we had our second ultrasound, confirming that there were 3 heartbeats, the Dr. summed up my thoughts exactly when he said "whoops".

So, God has blessed me tremendously. I had always hoped for 4 children, not necessarily in 2 years, but who can complain? Sometimes I feel so blessed that I can't stop myself from waiting for something bad to happen. Since I can't live my life that way, I choose instead to enjoy every smile, kiss, giggle, and hug. I will even try and enjoy every dirty diaper, every tantrum, and every bout with illness, because I can't bear to think of my former life.

Infertility is like a sponge, sapping up every breath and every tear. When you hurt to the bone and then everywhere you go, there are glowing, pregnant, bellies protruding in your face. People unknowingly ask you questions that stab at you. They make remarks because they want to make things better for you and they don't really know what to say. Sometimes its better to say nothing. Instead to open your ears and your heart.

People often ask me if we are done having children. Most say this as a joke. For the first year, I said, "definitely, yes". Some days I still wish for more babies (sounds insane, doesn't it?). There is nothing like the feeling that someone is growing inside you. Waiting nine months and then finally getting to see, and getting to know, that little person. Plus, I just look at my children and, to me, they are so beautiful, how could I not want more?

For now Lance says we are done and financially it isn't really possible. Unless God has other plans (can I please have a copy of those blueprints?). So I will keep this post to remind me of all that we have been through and all the tears, and happiness, it brought.

Pretending it's summer.

Since the weather is not cooperating with us, we spent today pretending it was warm. It wasn't bad, about 48 degrees for a high, but it could be a little warmer in my book.

We thought we'd get out while we could because we are expected to get another 6 to 10 inches of snow on Thursday. I really am getting fed up with our weather. My kids need fresh air and sunshine or I'll need 4 straight jackets in a size XS.

My mom was the catcher and cameraman. This was the little ones first experience in a park. They caught on quick with the slide and really loved it.

Ryan was a little slower up the stairs because he had to stop and play with rocks. Typical boy.

Then we topped the day off with ice cream. Ashlyn had cotton candy flavor. I can sum that experience up with Gaby's favorite phrase, "yum yum".

Ashlyn's Big Adventure.

Well we're back. We actually cancelled all our plans on Sunday so we could try and get back before the winter storm that was going on where we were, followed us all the way home. It did stop about half way home. Ashlyn had so much fun. It was very enjoyable watching her get so excited about everything from the hotel room to Toy's R Us. She loved the pool as you can see.

Lance took her down the water slide many times. I took her the first time and it took quite some time to convince her to do it again. I didn't realize how fast it shot you out the bottom and it was a good thing he was at the bottom to catch her, because I went face first into the water and scraped my knee on the bottom of the pool. She was wearing a life vest but she got dunked and didn't like it. Once she got over the trauma she really loved it, with daddy at least.

She is a girl after my own heart in the fact that she likes to shop. She had some birthday money and we scoured the stores trying to find just the right thing. This is what she finally decided she couldn't live without. This little piglet wiggles and oinks just like a real little pig, minus the stink. It also came with a bottle.

I also couldn't resist bringing home 3 of these that were on clearance for $7 each. I've been looking at them for a while at various places and they were around $30. The babies have been playing on them almost nonstop. I sure wish they made a volume control on some of these kinds of toys. I was hearing Dora sing "Old McDonald Had a Farm" in my sleep last night.

The Princess and the Paupers.

One way that we encourage Ashlyn to have good table manners is to ask her "don't you want to eat like a princess?" This usually works because if you know Ashlyn, she loves anything Princess.

I made another attempt at introducing the little ones to table etiquette. Today I pushed their booster seats up to the table and gave them trays and spoons.Not too bad.Brooke was a little silly but, she actually did the best with the spoon. Ryan shows some room for improvement. This was one of the frequent times he was licking his plate. Haven't we seen this before?Ok.....so a princess can't be good all the time.

This is just a funny photo I have to share. I call her my Brookie Bird. She knows she isn't allowed to climb over the gate, and listens most of the time. Instead, so she can test her limits without being scolded, she will perch herself on the gate and watch me in the kitchen. She does this quite often and I don't mind. At least I can see where she is at all times. Notice the other two playing in the background. You won't hear from me for a few days. We are taking off in the morning with Ashlyn for her over night trip. We are all excited. I'll try to get some good photos.

Ashlyn's Birthday Slide Show.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Ashlyn!!

Happy 3rd Birthday to Kayla, too. I am attempting to upload a slide show that I made for Ashlyn but, guess what, today it's not working, even though it worked yesterday.

Where does the time go? To think that 3 years ago, I was in agony with back labor. She was worth it all. Her birth was one of the happiest moments of my life and I don't know what I'd do without her.

We have a fun filled day planned. We are dining on hot dogs, chips, and juice for lunch with Kayla, her mommy, and Grandma Schwenn. Then baking a cake with pink icing and sprinkles. For supper, she has requested her second favorite food, spaghetti. This weekend Lance and I plan to take her for an overnight trip to a hotel with a water slide. We thought she could use a little quality time away from the babies.

This is what happens when.......

.......you remove all your clothes, including diaper, and pee in your crib. Guess the crib tent isn't a foolproof way for her to get a good nap. I also realize, it could have been so much worse. Could someone please tell me, is this typical of a last born, or what? I was just looking through photo books, picking out ones of Ashlyn to make a slideshow for her birthday. I have more pictures of Brooke climbing in things, out of things, up things, and you get the idea. So where do I go from here? Obviously snapping the onesie over her pants isn't working anymore.

Happy 40th Anniversary.

These are my parents, Lowell and Sharon. They recently celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary on March 29. To me, their marriage proves that even though life as husband and wife is not perfect and there are many ups and downs, it can still be a lasting commitment. Don't they look so young and naive? I think my mom was 19 and my dad was 20. I was also 19 when I got married and Lance was 21. We'll see what 40 years does to us??? That will be the year 2036.....Yikes!!Speaking of parents this is a fun site (http://www.myheritage.com/look-alike-meter)where you can upload photos of you and your parents to see who you most resemble. My results said I look more like my dad by 4%. Ashlyn was sitting on my lap and saw this photo of my parents wedding and asked if it was a picture of Sarah, who is my sister. I guess we don't even have to do the Look-Alike-Meter for Sarah.



I also did this with my own kids and it said that Ashlyn and Ryan were 50% me and 50% Lance but Gaby resembled me 10% more and Brooke resembled me 8% more. It makes a difference if you try a different photo too. I was surprised that Ashlyn didn't resemble me more because everyone says she does. I tried a different photo and then it pointed more toward my side.

Climb...climb...up sunshine mountain.

At this very moment I am watching on the baby monitor, Gaby and Ryan, jumping frantically, while poor Brooke is asleep. She was awake at 6 am this morning and was so grouchy and tired. I only hope it's not as loud up there as it is down here.

Speaking of nap time, I wanted to show you a few nap related photos. The title of my post refers to the song that we sing when the babies slowly, but surely, climb up the stairs to bed. Gaby bolts up the stairs, where Brooke and Ryan casually make their way, stopping to explore bits of lint on the stairs and try to look over the banister.

Once all the babies are in bed, we sing Rock-A-Bye Baby. Ashlyn has gotten pretty good at singing some of these songs lately and Gaby is making an attempt. She has the rhythm down, just not the tune or exact words. Although you see a lot of my kids in PJ's these are some I took of them in their spring pajamas.Notice the pink socks. Lance, who at first wouldn't allow pink to come near his son, actually puts pink on him more than anyone else. He thinks its funny. Actually, when given a choice, Ryan will pick the color pink over other colors. Probably because we have so much of it around, to him its like white.

Tips & Tricks for Trips. Volume One.

Today, I felt the urge to share with all of you a few things I've found helpful while parenting multiples. Even if you don't have multiples, they may come in handy for you and your family. These are tips based on my experience and I will not accept responsibility if you do not agree or have a bad experience. You can take my advice, or leave it, just don't sue me, please.

This is a handy item I picked up at Walmart. It is an Overdoor Organizer made by the brand Mainstays home.

It has 21 pockets plus each one has a second pocket on the outside, so there are actually 42. It was very easy to hang and I love it. I plan to purchase a few more to hang on other doors in our house. If you have a lot of little feet, like we do, it is perfect for stashing all their shoes. Plus, I plan to stick pairs of socks in the outside pockets so they are easily available when we are rushing out the door. In the top couple of rows, I put hats and mittens. There was plenty of room to put the hat in the big pocket and the mittens in the outside pocket. Ashlyn had fun helping me and should be able to get her own shoes when needed. The picture on the package it came in shows the pockets containing shoes, socks, belts, small purses, hats, mittens, toys, and beauty products. I plan to hang one just for the kids to play with. The babies will love sticking small toys in it and taking them out again.

A week ago I purchased a Eureka cordless Quick-up. I had read many reviews online about it and it was actually on sale. This model is a 96F and there is a newer model out but I have had no problems with this one and liked the cheaper price.

If you have small children, pets, or messy husbands (like I do) this vacuum is a great investment. It can be mounted on your wall to be recharged, holds it's charge well (I can lightly clean my kitchen, living room, bathroom, and stairs before it starts slowing down) and is very light. You do have to keep in mind that this is meant to be an in-between vacuum. You will still need a full size vacuum for major cleaning. I was finding it hard to find time to drag my full size out. Plus it was loud so I couldn't use it when the kids were sleeping. Therefore, my floors were not getting cleaned very often. I use this one every day, at least once. It has great suction. It has a removable dust cup with a filter. It has the option of carpet or floor. The brush will turn for carpets and won't for bare floors. It is light enough that Ashlyn can use it, which is a huge bonus. The only complaint I have is that the dust cup is a little tough to open and close, but not too difficult.

I can't say enough about both the crib tent and the baby cam. I posted links to the websites on previous posts if you want more details. I posted a link for Amazon.com for the crib tent but actually found it cheaper at Walmart.com. Also I ordered the Summer Infant Video Monitor and an additional camera, so I could see the whole room. Well, I made a mistake and the extra camera is not compatible with the main set that I ordered. So I will return it and I emailed the company to see if there is one that is compatible. The set that I ordered is an older set which cost less but may not have the option to add a second camera. I hope I can find a way to get a second camera because with one, we can see all babies if they are in a certain spot, but if they move out of view, you can't see them. Even with one, we usually are able to see who is crying and if they really need us or are just fussing. The crib tent is a definite must in Brooke's case. Having her out and about in a toddler bed was a nightmare. She was keeping everyone awake, including herself. Since putting her back in a crib, everyone is sleeping better......especially me. I ordered another one for Ryan since he fell out of the crib yesterday. I was working on this post while they were supposed to be napping and heard very loud crying coming from the top of the stairs. There he was with a big bump on his forehead. I'm not too worried about Gaby. She seems to like her crib and isn't quite as agile as the others. She does like to bounce though, maybe if she gets worked up enough, she might just catapult herself out.

If you have kids that like to undress themselves here is what I do for Brooke and sometimes Ryan. I snap their onesies, which they can't yet get unsnapped, over their pants. So far this has always worked. Usually if I don't do this to Brooke she will remove her pants within 15 minutes. Can you tell which of my children is the most difficult? Now that I think of it, she has been giving me grief since before birth. She had her little butt stuck up under my ribs for about the last 2 months of pregnancy. Good thing a mother's love is strong.

This is a protective faucet cover made by Boon(http://booninc.com/flo.html). It is a great invention. Not only does it prevent my kids from knocking their heads on the faucet but it is very entertaining. Ryan especially loves it and tries to drink every drop of water that comes out. His diapers are very soggy the morning after a bath. Although this photo looks like Ashlyn, it's actually taken from the Boon website. I thought it captured the spray of water much better than my amateur photography skills could. What I also love about Boon is that they donate 10% of each sale to a children's charity. Well, that's it for now, my breaks over, and it's back to work. I plan to post more tips and tricks every now and then. Feel free to pass yours along as well.